I knew this day was coming, but it filled me with sadness nevertheless. The first ESPN chat with Joe Morgan of the year, and Fire Joe Morgan isn't around to rip it to shreds. While I can't fill the tremendously huge shoes of Ken and the gang, I'll do what I can to assuage the pain.

1.) Joe Morgan: "I think we're gonna have a very interesting baseball season. I know the Dodgers have the biggest lead in their division, but as Yogi Berra would say, it's never over until it's over. There's a long ways to go. I expect by the end of the season, we'll have a lot of close races."

Me: Ahhhh ... right on cue, Joe brings in his qualified non-statements and passes them off as expertise. A bold prediction to assume that by the end of the season there will be a lot of close races. Also, Yogi Berra said "It ain't over till it's over."

2.) Question: Are you excited for Posnanski's new book, The Machine?

Joe Morgan: "The only thing I think of when I think about the Big Red Machine are the unsung players who didn't get the publicity they don't get. Griffey should have won a batting title that year. Geronimo was the best center fielder in the game. Concepcion would have been my choice to start a team at shortstop. Then you had such great pitchers, like Gullet, Billingham and others. I just hope the other guys get their dues in the book. In fact, I did not want them to retire my number in Cincinnati until they found a way to honor the other guys, and they did."

Me: I think we've got some Joe-baiting going on here, as the very first topic is one near and dear to Joe's heart: just how awesome he and his teammates on the Reds were.

3.) Question: "Hey Joe, do think Victor Martinez is one of the current active players that could have a shot at hitting.400?"

Joe: "You basically have to go 2-5 every day. It's not easy.  He's one of the best hitters in the game, but it's a slim possibility. Hitting .400 isn't going to happen anytime soon ... the pitchers are so specialized these days. Sometimes hitters got to face a pitcher five times in a game back in the day, but you could face three or four different pitchers in one game, which makes it more difficult to hit. .400 is something we won't see for a long long time, if ever."

Me:  For the love of Tony Perez's hall of fame snub, did Joe actually answer a question directly, and even offer an insight into the logic behind it?

4.) Question: "What do you think of the rise in anxiety disorders among baseball players? Is this a new thing or do you think it has been around since your playing days?"

Joe: "It was probably around before, but they weren't diagnosing it. Athletes were always afraid of getting psychological evaluations. They would think it was a sign of weakness and did not allow themselves to be diagnosed. I think it's a good thing that they take the time to get diagnosed. The more examinations you take, the more types of stress you find. A guy may be stressed, or worried, or have a problem focusing."

Me: Kind of a softball question, but Joe has given a reasonable response here. Hmm ... maybe these are being ghostwritten?

5.) Question: "Will the Sox trade for an SS? If so, who?"

Joe: "I keep hearing about their shortstop problem. At shortstop, you NEED to have a player who can catch the ball and make the plays he needs to. We've fallen in love with offense at that position, but defense is a premium at that position. The Red Sox have an excess of starting pitching and could trade for one, but I don't know what they are looking for, in terms of offense vs. defense. But they've been able to win with the shortstops they've had."

Me: Ah, old school Joe at his finest. It has been statistically proven that, assuming a player is literally capable of fielding a position (we're not talking about David Ortiz trying to catch), any deficiencies defensively are going to be obliterated by great offensive production in terms of run differential. The idea of the Red Sox trading any of their decent starting pitchers for a defense-first shortstop is laughable.

6.) Question: "With the Dodgers running away with the NL West, what are the Giants chances of hanging in for the wild card chase?"

[NOTE: I predict the chance of Joe answering this question directly to be roughly equivalent to the possibility my atoms align in such a manner that I suddenly descend to the center of the earth]

Joe: None. I grew up a Giants fan, and they are trying to right the ship. A wild card is a possibility, but they really do not have enough offense to be the third or fourth-best team in the National League, unless they find a way to trade for some offense before the deadline, which brings me to another point. All these teams are costing themselves weeks of playing time if they wait until the deadline. The Brewers got CC Sabathia before the deadline last year and reaped the benefits. I don't know why you would wait if you need help right now.

Me: Well, he did say "none," but then he caved a little bit by saying that the "wild card" is a possibility. It's almost as though Joe became frightened at reaching a conclusion and had to shy away from them.

[SKIPPED A FEW DULL QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS]

7.) Question: "Joe, do you expect any backlash from current or former players when Strasburg inevitably receives an enormously undeserved signing bonus?"

Joe: "I agree that it's undeserved. I've always had a problem in any sport...I remember when Michael Jordan was the best player in basketball, and Robinson came to Milwaukee and demanded more money than Jordan got, and he got it. A lot of players in the majors right now are playing well and not receiving nearly that much money. The association refuses to have a cap on rookie salaries and refuses to slot players, and I can understand that point, but I don't believe an unproven player should come in and make more money than a Roy Halladay. We don't even know if he will make it to the big leagues. There has to be a way to defer that money until he reaches the big leagues. The draft needs to be fixed...teams in last place sometimes cannot pay that money to get the best prospects."

Me: A thoughtful, somewhat articulate answer, though I'm not sure why Michael Jordan and Glenn Robinson's names came up (I assume he's talking about Glenn Robinson).

8.) Question: "What are the chances Big Papi turns things around? he's done right?"

Joe: "I don't think he's done, but I don't think we'll see the Big Papi of a few years ago. He's gone through so much from a psychological standpoint, and that takes a toll. I think he'll be better than he has been, but it's difficult to get back to where you were before after all the things he's heard and gone through."

Me: Not a word from Joe about Ortiz's age, his declining bat speed, or his failure to make adjustments at the plate to compensate. Also, could he hedge more? I count three or four "I thinks" in there. I would love to see Joe Morgan offer fantasy advice. "Maybe you should buy sell high on Emilio Bonifacio, but I don't know, maybe he'll bat. .600 and steal 150 bases."

9.) Question: "How many home runs would you have hit out of New Yankee Stadium, had you played there in 1976?"

Joe: "It's definitely a place that left-handed hitters would thrive in, and even right-handed hitters are hitting the ball out. Obviously I would have loved to hit in a place that would have helped my fly balls to right field."

Me: Just answer the question! NASA will not run a simulation to determine the accuracy of your prediction, Joe! Just throw out a fucking number.

[SKIPPED A FEW MORE DULL QUESTIONS]

10.) Question: "What are your thoughts on the bats in MLB right now? Do they need to change the wood? Are they going to make a change?"

Joe: "They've investigated changing the makeup of a lot of bats, but they haven't done anything. We continue to see bats fly all over the place. I don't think we will see any change in the bat material."

Me: I am beginning to see why the guys at Fire Joe Morgan couldn't keep this up. Joe is incredibly frustrating. Dude, it's a chat. The guy wants YOUR thoughts on the bats. What the fuck? Does the fate of the free world hinge upon you not offering your opinion?

11.) Question: "Joe, what do you make of the Cubs? Do you think they'll get things back on track?"

Joe: "I think the Cubs overreacted to what happened to them in the playoffs last year. I thought they were the best team in the NL, but the Dodgers got hot and beat them, and they change the makeup of the team. They lost DeRosa, Marquis, Wood...all integral parts of the team. I think the biggest mistake they have made was giving Fukudome $50 million, and giving up some salaries to bring in Bradley. If they hadn't made that mistake with Fukudome, they wouldn't have had to dump salary to get Bradley."

Me: We actually got some analysis here, but I question whether it's worth a shit. u looks like a big mistake, but Milton Bradley looks like a much bigger one. At least Kosuke was a dynamic, healthy star in Japan whose skills looked like they would translate. Milton Bradley had bust written all over him in the fantasy world long before this season started. Brittle, managed to DH last year, always disappointing ... what were the Cubs thinking?

12.) Question: "Joe, your old team the Reds have been playing well so far. Do you think they can keep it up?"

Joe: "They've had some injuries lately that really hurt them. The Votto injury really hurt them. They need him in the lineup. They have lost a lot of close-scoring games, and I don't think they can really win with their current lineup. They need more help."

Me: Clearly the secret to getting a clear cut opinion out of Joe is to give him the chance to explain that the current Reds aren't good enough.

13.) Question: "Hey Joe, what are the chances we see a Yanks/Sox series in the ALCS this October. Both look really good, and the Rays have been mired with inconsistency and injuries"

Joe: "I think the biggest threat of that not happening is from the Blue Jays. When they have their pitchers healthy, they could upset that picture. But right now, it is certainly a big possibility."

Me: Game. Set. Match. Vintage Joe. A big possibility, thanks. I understand your opinion perfectly now. Thanks for talking about what might happen with the Blue Jays.

I can't take anymore.

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